3 Signs You’re a Weak Leader …and its probably unintentional
“I’m no expert but I am here to offer you some thoughts on how to be an effective leader.”“I am just checking in to see if you’ve had a chance to review the proposal I submitted. When you have a chance, please let me know your thoughts.”“Apologies for the continued questions, but can you explain how you came to this decision?”
If I was standing in the front of a room, speaking with you to convince/teach/influence you would you continue listening to me if I started with any of these sentences?I hear and see this weak language everywhere - in both professional and personal emails; pilates classes; speakers; experienced and novice leaders; and even my 10 year old daughter (except when she’s playing hockey) - and it undermines everything you’re trying to say. Audiences stop paying attention, their body language shifts, phones come out.What can you say instead?“I’m no expert but I am here to offer you some thoughts on how to be an effective leader.”I am just checking in to see if you’ve had a chance to review Let me know your thoughts on the proposal I submitted. When you have a chance, please Apologies for the continued questions, but can you explain How did you came to this decision, given the research and data submitted?Have you noticed that you use these words? What or who triggers you to say ‘just’, ‘I think/believe’, ‘sorry’?
Have you noticed that you apologize when an apology is not necessary? For example, “Sorry, do you have a minute to talk through this?”This has become such a phenomenon that Pantene ran a commercial and started the hashtag #sorrynotsorry to point out how women utilize a vocabulary that unintentionally softens their message.What can you do to stop this? Three habits you can develop immediately:
- Don’t preface your sentences; ‘I am not an expert’
- Don’t add a postscript to your statements; ‘Our team has been performing really well this quarter, don’t you think?’
- Eliminate weak words: Sorry, I think, I believe, I just want, Actually, I tend to agree, Maybe we can.
Instead, try using strong vocabulary:
- I am confident
- I’m convinced
- I expect
- I suggest
- I agree and this is why
- My suggestion is
For many people, they are unaware they are using weak language. Start listening to yourself and others. Ask a trusted peer or mentor to point out when you are using weak words. I did this with a colleague in a meeting with a difficult client. I gently elbowed her each time she apologized for pointing out inconsistencies, asking a question, or disagreeing with the client. You can be a great asset to others by making them aware of their use of weak language.
This change can come easier when you address your writing first. You are able to review what you’ve written before sending it. Try the Gmail plug in Just Not Sorry, similar to spell check, underlines the weak words in your email. Action Steps to take Today
- Start using strong words. Pick 1-3 words or phrases you want to incorporate into your vocabulary regularly. Put them on a post-it, take a picture and place it on your desktop, phone, tablet, etc.
- Once you have mastered those words, pick 1-3 words or phrases to remove from your vocabulary.
- Find a partner to keep you honest.
- Give yourself a reward (an article of clothing to represent a strong and confident professional)
- Design a penalty if you are unable to remove a word from your vocabulary within 30 days (donate to a charity or political figure who speaks against your values)
What words have you noticed that reflect poorly on a colleague or expert?
